Warnings!

I noticed these on a plastic bag just now, but I'm not sure what they mean.

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• Do not scream in a plastic bag. You will be deafened next time you open it.
• Do not hold a drawing in front of your face. People will still know who you are. And they won't believe you were the model for The Scream.
• Do not flash a torch on your face while you make scary faces.
  

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• No toast-head babies allowed.
• Do not cross-breed with toast. This is what happens.
• This bag is not a reflux protection device.

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Any other interpretations?
I'm sure these warnings are important and we need to understand them.